I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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