well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A+ Viking dick
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
