remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
