why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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