is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
