She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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