Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
