Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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