The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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