I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
