I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
