the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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