I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
