Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
