I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
