I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
