i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
