i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
