This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
