i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
