Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
