Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
