This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
