You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it's like heaven, but drunker
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't turn off my feet"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
