I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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