i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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