I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
