i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
