Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
