I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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