all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
