We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize