I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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