Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
