This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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