youre lurking in front of me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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