Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
