I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
