So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
