guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
