just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
