why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
