just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
