i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
