the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
