the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
