Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
