so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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