even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
