she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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