Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
