And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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