Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
