can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
