when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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