Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He has the fingertips of a God
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