You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
