You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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