please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My ass is underappreciated
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
