rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
