eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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