They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
