Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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