so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
