he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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