just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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