if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
