He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
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hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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