there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
