his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
