You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Life is so much better after having sex.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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