And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize