I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
